Every time we lie awake After every hit we take Every feeling that I get But I haven't missed you yet Every roommate kept awake By every sigh and scream we make All the feelings that I get But I still don't miss you yet Only when I stop to think about it... I hate everything about you Why do I love you Every time we lie awake After every hit we take Every feeling that I get But I haven't missed you yet Only when I stop to think about it... I hate everything about you Why do I love you Only when I stop to think About you, I know Only when you stop to think About me, do you know I hate everything about you Why do I love you You hate everything about me...why do you love me?
Now I regret everything, the love, hurt, and tears. All I can do is dream, And wish that you were here.
I can't believe I've lost you, I can't believe your gone. Its just so hard to look at you now, but I know I must go on.
Why do things like this always happen, why do they always happen to me. I'm tired of getting hurt, And I'm tired of people just wanting to see.
When I see you smile, memories flash before my eyes. I remember all that we shared, And suddenly I start to cry.
You have a healthy mix of devotion and independence. You believe that a good relationship truly does make life run a little smoother. You're able maintain healthy friendships, strong family ties and important career goals. It's not that you never argue,you and your partner are simply able to disagree without smashing the good china. Just don't go around thinking you have the perfect relationship. No one does.
Doesn't that say I'm ready for a relationship?
If I never see your face If wings take you away from me And tomorrow never happens, Baby. Know that I have loved you..
Call the cell
I wish one of those herbal boys would come and wash my hair!!!
Time is a healer How easy we forget All the misery and pain That one person can inflict Seems so soft from the game Some select memories In the end Im just a girl With a sentimental need
Heartache heartache I just have so much A simple love with a complex touch There is nothing you can say or do I called to let you know I'm through with you
Make an effort to connect with someone you miss today, %n . Even if it feels painful at the start, chances are you'll feel a lot better after. Pick up the phone, write a letter, or send an email. Let them know that you miss them and care about them. Expressing yourself is often far better than stuffing your feelings regardless of the circumstances. They may, after all, be missing you just as much.
Shower~Instead of the usual "come and join me" I would rather see you sprawled out naked on my bed when I get back!
I wanna run away Never say good-bye I wanna know the truth Instead of wondering why I wanna know the answers No more lies I wanna shut the door And open up my mind
March 24th, 2004
So lately, I noticed/woken up to, dreams of "O Man" And it's werid, b/c they always end up with us alone, doing something.. I mean, I have that thing going "Outta Site, Outta Mind" But it seems, He's damn face always pops in. And we end up doing "sexual things"
Do I want him sexual.. Well, if some people know my stories, that can be a yes..
But I have him in a outta site, outta mind game. So why am I dreaming of him?
Oh yea, I want his sex body, and that every soo spiky hair of his, and his ooh soo small.... Blah, Don't make me sick..
March 23rd, 2004
I don't wanna be here anymore.. I wanna get away.. Just me and my car and the open rode.. LOL.. I wish..
I'm getting to the point where I wanna be on my own now. I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to handle any money problems.. or stuff along the lines of that.
And I admit to this, I have a problem with saying the Fuck word alot.. LOL.. I'm working on not using it soo much and my "Trucker" or "Sailor" mouth of mine. If you haven't read my last entry. I was pissed. I couldn't help it. Every word that came from my mouth was "Fuck".
Anyways, that problem is fixed. Fresca is making a cute little basket, and she is making little eggs for all of us with our names on it, and she said when Easter is over, we'll be able to take ours home with us. Which I think is really sweet of her to do.
Other then that, That Mike guy at work is looking mighty damn fine lately.. LOL :-P It must be those crazy horomones from my monthly visit from Aunt Flo.. haha, Just thought I'd update on when she comes for her monthly visit. But Anyways, that Mike guy is cute. So, it's nice to see a fine ass like that at work, Gets your mind into things where you know for a fact wouldnt happen with the guy!! hehe and plus it makes the day go by much faster ;-) That's why I forget to do alot of my things, or I do them, but I do them slowly.. hehe Mike is hot. What can I say?? hehe There's no more Bob, or Brandon to day dream about, so now there is Mike.. haha..
Oh yea and there's one freakin HOT delivery guy too!! His name is Chris, I HATE THAT FREAKIN NAME!!!! And I hate the Mike name too. But he is soo freaking gorgous!! I mean, I think alot of girls would find him attractive. AND there's the water boy delivery guy.. haha I'm on a rampage on all those hot guys coming to work :-P I just can't help myself!! haha If I caught them in eye level, I can't bare to take my eyes off them..
LOL, Listen to me, I sound like alittle school girl again..
Oh and the Milk Man's Son isn't hot, he's got a big nose, how the hell would you kiss a guy with a huge knocker like that.. Anyways, you'll have to see it in person to know what I mean about it being BBBBBIIIIIIGGGGGG.. lol
Silly old me!!
Oh and Lynn came today to have lunch with us. She is doing much better. She had to go into Rehab from her meds she was on. And the stress at work. How can anyone blame her, I/We all get stressed from that place, There's just something about it.
And all day today they were talking about Amanda too. Saying how slow she is, and she signs in to get extra money when she doesn't work or anything. And when everyone else got trained, there were told they weren't allowed to sign out later then usual. I saw her the one day just standing around talking to Linda J. Here we go AGAIN!! I wonder how long she will last!! thehehe, we have our bets going on her!! hehe
Well I also got my TB shot today.. I HATE SHOTS!! Even through this shot just gots under your first layer of skin, but still, just the thought of needles freak me out..
Well I guess I'll let it at that..
March 22nd, 2004
Things are just pissing me off lately.. I'm PMSing big time.. Shit at work started.. I can't do anything fucking NICE without anyone wanting to FUCK up with my shit!!! so Those nice little rabbits with our names on them, went in the trash.. I'm sorry Erin, but I had to do something with them. B/c she putting "her" rabbit into the pile just blew the whole thing outta wack.. I'm really sorry, making you steal those rabbits for me ;-P I'm sorry again.. Don't fucking mess with my shit, I get soo fucking pissed off when people do something like that, Unless I invite them to, and I never invited her fucking rabbit into the fucking pile! lol
Drama Queen is me new name... Bullshit Anthony!! You'll be pissed when you want the rabbits to be one way, and someone wants to fucking mess up the fucking shitty ass thing!! I'll find something else to put up and put all of our names into it, instead on sperate little bunnies..
AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF I EVER TALK TO WHAT'S-HIS-FACE FOR A LOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG FUCKING TIME!! HE CAN'T FUCKING FIND THE FUCKING TIME TO SEND ME A FUCKING EMAIL BACK? OR ALEAST GIVE ME A LITTLE FUCKING PHONE CALL?? NO FUCKING NO.. MEN FUCKING SUCK ASS... FUCK THEM ALL, YOU ALL ARE GOOD FOR TWO THINGS SEX AND MONEY!! FUCK YOU FUCK THEM ALL FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
I enjoy the life of being SINGLE.. I enjoy knowing I wouldn't get hurt..
But then there's a side of ya, when you want that other person to be there for you..
But Life and finding/getting a CAREER is much more exciting!!!!
March 15th, 2004
"Everything" By Lifehouse
urg.. All those little memories we shared are all coming back to be like stinking bees. It fucking hurts, to know nothing can go back to being the same.. Due to some stupid mistakes, which you can never take back.. I shit around thinking something can happen.. just maybe something will..
But it never does!!! How can I put myself through something soo outta my league. Well all regret doing things. But maybe doing those things, are for a good reason. Someone is trying to help push those things/people away, so we wouldn't get hurt anymore.. Or maybe it's for the better.
Do you sit around thinking of the possiblities? Do you often think how different your life would be if you were with that certain person? Would you be happy? What if something happens, which that "trust" facter, fails or is being abused? Would you still be happy? Knowing you are with someone who "YOU" love? But that other person "DOESN'T" love you back? Are you wasting your time loving someone who doesn't love you back? Are you in the process of telling someone the way you feel? After being more then just friends with them for awhile now? Are you crying yourself to sleep, knowing nothing can become more with that certain person? Do you often wonder, if that person is thinking of you? Do you think if that person heard your name, would he smile for knowing someone special as you? Do you have all those "What if" questions wondering through yourt head no stop? Does your heart beat faster when you see/hear/talk about that certain someone? Don't you wish he was the one to be asking/answering these questions?
This is a everyday life event, all of us must travel through. They say "You go through alot of ASSHOLES before you find the perfect guy"..
So what we are going through, is normal.. But why should we put ourselves into depression? Why should we be ingored by some rude bastard who is going to ruin our life anyways?? haha I like that question..
LOL, anyways, These little things are all part of life, yes I know that for a fact, I'm 19 years old, and I've experienced the whole thing. It only made me strong. But I'm still waiting for some "guy" to come and take that strongness away, and pull me back to where I was years ago..
And some people wonder why I'm single!!
My reason is as followed---I would like to have someone to spend my time with, but then again, I don't have much "time" to see that person as much as that person would want me to. I enjoy being single. I'm to young to wrap myself around someone else. I have my dreams to follow, I have years to get myself a career and to make myself the women I should be, without worrying about some "guy".. It's plain and simple.
Then people say "What if that guy came to you sometime soon? Would you still follow the same knowledge you set for yourself?"
I would probally say yes. I enjoy the single life. To explore "FWB" "playing the field" It opens me up to my "options" I have in my life ahead of it.. If it shall last that long, you may never know..
So I'm gonna leave it at that.. Say what ya wanna say, think what you wanna think.. Everyone has their opinions.
Nothing new with me... besides my car.. lol.. oh boy.. Just thought you'd like to know..